I am no better than anyone else for having a new car and I won't be any better than anyone if I have an e-reader, laptop, new shoes, a clean room, or decorations on the wall. I'm not better than anyone else for having a job in the government. Many may judge me for having a government job, but I don't want to worry about what others are thinking about me.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men" Colossians 3:23.
I want to only care about what God thinks of me, because He's the one who judges every heart and who paid for my life. I choose to do what I see him pointing me to do, love in ways that I see Him loving others, and encourage others to follow God in that close, personal way, too. And I find myself still so often not knowing what in the world He wants me to do. Although, I do hear Him saying
"...'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!' " Matthew 25:21.
Maybe not in these exact words, but I remember this verse quite often. Something sounds really good about just taking the seemingly small steps first, not striving to do some huge task that looks really important to others. Why not try to do some "small" things that may not be received well or looked upon as "amazing"?
I am blessed to have what I have, but even more blessed to have such a great family full of colorful personalities, jobs and histories. We all have our faults, we are not perfect or always kind to one another, but I know I'm loved by them. I wish I knew my family members better than I do. Maybe I'll never know them as well as I imagine I could, but I just want to know them as well as I can in this short life I have. It sounds very overwhelming, though, trying to get to know ALL of them. I don't HAVE to know all of them and they may not all want to be known. I don't know where to start and I don't have to live near them to know them well. "Why do I want to know who they are?", I ask myself. Well, I might know how to pray for them more specifically and have a better idea of what may or may not bless them. I just feel so overwhelmed at the thought of trying to do anything good on my own, God help me love my family members the way that touches them the most! I just spent time with my family in Carlsbad and Phoenix and it was great, but it was cut short due mistakes on the planning side, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it because we'll coordinate better next time, I pray. I'm just glad I got to spend the time I did with them...so glad!
I got to celebrate my Dad's birthday with him, see my sisters' playful cats, play Upwords with my Mom, meet up with Katie, catch up with Laci and Gil in Hobbs, drive to Phoenix safely, see family for Thanksgiving, and celebrate my cousin's marriage. Not to mention run/walk a 5K and help make side dishes. I loved it and the enjoyed weather in the warmer states :). I'm sad my rommate, Sequiyah, couldn't spend time with her family because of appendicitis, but glad she got to spend it with friends and got to talk with her family on Thanksgiving. Living with two others is something that is stressing me out a bit even though they're wonderful roommates. I'm not used to living with people and finding messes that I didn't create, haha.
Thank you, God, that you are with us and You are what we need. It becomes more apparent when we don't have the materials we think we need. I don't need a laptop, but I'm grateful I have one, even if it's six years old and runs slowly. As long as I have God, I've got what I need. I don't need the food I have, but I have it and good health so I'm thankful for that. I don't need legs and arms that move and operate just fine, but I have them so I'm going to take care of them and use them for good because I'm blessed with them! I choose to use the brain and body that God gave me - to love, not to judge or harm. I will fail along the way, but God has grace and mercy enough for me to get back up and praise Him even when I don't feel like it.
Who knew we would ever have to protect/"keep watch over" things that aren't even tangible? I'm tempted to stress about keeping my personal information safe, but I suppose all I can do is ask the questions I have and pray that the steps I take to protect my personal info is all that I can do. And then I can try to help others protect their info as soon as I find out how to protect my own. Let the information I absorb be used to bring glory to God, not be used to puff myself up. I am very hesitant to get a Kindle or a new laptop even though I've been thinking about it for so long. I don't hear a "no" from God. I don't hear a "yes" and I don't hear a "wait", either. I'm just tired of stressing out about whether or not I should get one. Honestly, I don't want to hide in my room or go to the gym with an e-reader, trying to avoid any form of responsibility or contact with others. I know that's not the way to live, but it just sounds enticing. I shouldn't have told the customer service guy that I planned to come back today. God, please give me wisdom and peace. I love learning new things, but I don't want to absorb a bunch of info and forget to LIVE! I need to clean my room since that's what I planned on doing today.
Fear and frustrations...I'm full of them as the human being I am. I find joy in knowing God and experiencing his love for me and sharing it with others. I feel like I don't share as much as I can, usually wondering if I've missed something God's asked me to do. But I'd rather trust He's leading me, step by step.
